Say It Ain't So, Jim Bob

Jim Bob. DUI. Chick with an open container. Not good.

Corey Campbell Leaving

We missed this earlier, but there you have it. Consensus Freshman All-SEC, 4 picks as a sophomore, named team's most improved player heading into his junior year, pleaded guilty to shoplifting as a junior, transfers before senior year. Nice trajectory.

Spring Practice Begins

And no one much cares because Knox is Pearl-crazy. As are we. God bless Bruce Pearl. And his blazer. The WWF move at Rupp is the greatest thing we've heard in a very long time.

But on to rock ball. We are officially back from hiatus. Or being lazy. What did we miss? Pretty weak recruiting class (#23 nationally, #7 in SEC) that missed out on the top in-state talent for the second year running. A slight re-shuffling of the coaching ranks. Reggie getting inducted into the Pro Hall of Fame (Bible-themed video montage with some strong hits here). And Fat Ass implementing long-awaited and hopefully sweeping changes (including "where we're going to stay when we travel"). Great start.

Actual coverage of spring practice and whatnot to come.

VOLLIES

The fine folks over at the Tennessean have decided the fecal dump that was the 2005 VOLS season is worthy of a retrospective. There's some kind of fake award angle. We're not really sure. If you have any desire to relive the felony assault charges, fumbles through the endzone, and Special Olympics-caliber special teams, it's all here.

BEAT THE VOLS, WIN A PRIZE

Cutler: SEC Offensive Player of the Year.
Spurrier: SEC Coach of the Year.

(Also, Arron Sears was First Team All-SEC; Hall, Haralson, Harrell, and Simon made it on the Second Team; and Mahelona got Honorable Mention -- but we're still pretending the VOLS didn't field a team.)

JIM BOB: PUSHER??

We've been Googling "cooter" again. And the results are just getting weirder.

On the Rogers State University (Claremore, OK) website you can find what appears to be a farily basic and introductory level guide to using the scientific method in research and experimentation. But check this sentence buried in the middle of science geek-speak:

Jim Bob Cooter (2005) gave either marijuana (0 g, 1 g, or 2 g), cocaine (0 mg/kg, 25 mg/kg, or 50 mg/kg) or nicotine (0 mg/kg, 1 mg/kg, or 2 mg/kg) to college students to see the drugs’ effect on the memory of a staged robbery.

What is our boy doing staging robberies in Oklahoma? We are confused.

JIM BOB HIGHLIGHT REEL

UTSports.com has a nice little Cooter video package up here (or go here and scroll down to "Up Close with Jim Bob Cooter").

Highlight: Jim Bob Cooter on Jim Bob Cooter. "I think it's just the right name at the right place."

COOTER FEST

It's not often you Google "cooter" and end up learning something. But today we did just that and discovered that Jim Bob's last name is "of African origin; akin to Bambara and Malinke kuta turtle chiefly South & Midland." We're not sure what that means. We were going to try to figure it out, but then we read this: Cooter also "refers to a certain part of the female anatomy located south of the Mason-Dixon Line." Whoa. Hold up. We are just as shocked as the organizers of the Inverness Cooter Festival were. But like good Americans, they're not letting any smut stop them from celebrating Cooter. God bless them. Our favorite is 63-year old Vernon Simmons, who said the word "don't faze" him because "we ate a lot of cooters in my day." Bet you did, Vern.

Also, here's a T-shirt for sale from a Cooter Fest. Doesn't seem to be the same one. Doesn't matter. Rock the "A Little Cooter Never Hurt Anyone" tee and be the envy of the schoolyard.

SEE COOTER DIG. SEE COOTER EAT.

We were going to have a very strict policy around here of not mentioning the huge fecal dump that was the 2005 VOLS season, but that doesn't seem feasible. And we don't really want to forget Cooter's solid gold performance on the national stage.

COACH CUT SETTING UP HIS STAFF

Greg Adkins takes over OL responsibilities. Matt Luke (left), who played at Ole Miss '95-'98 and coached there under Cut, comes on board and assumes Adkins' old post as TE coach and recruiting coordinator.

That just leaves WR coach to be named. Reports say Cut wants Kippy Brown, currently making $200,000+ with the Texans, but who could be looking for a job when Capers' crew completes its now 1-10 season. Presumably the interest is based on Kippy's stellar work guiding the XFL's Memphis ManiAX in 2000. Or maybe it was his work as VOLS WR coach from '83-'89 and '93-'94. There's also speculation that hyperactive Trooper Taylor could slide from RBs to WRs.

MESSAGE FROM THE GREAT PUMPKIN

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa...

Dear Tennessee Fans,

I wanted to take a moment to thank you for the great support you give our team. Your passion and pride for our program is what makes us special!

This year was a disappointing season for everyone in the Tennessee family. We started this season with great expectations and failed to live up to those expectations. I assure you that no one is happy about our season -- especially me, and I know that our fans deserve better than what we produced this year.

Now that the season is over, I am taking a step back and re-evaluating the entire program. We're doing a lot of things well _ especially our defense, but obviously not enough. We grossly underachieved offensively, and special teams were erratic at best. As I've said before, the results this year are unacceptable and accountability starts with me.

My staff and I have great determination to get things back on track. In order to get things turned around, we first have to look at what happened this season. I'm doing a complete audit of everything in our program. No stone will be left unturned and no question left unanswered as to what went wrong.

I've taken some steps already and others are in short order. I have made some coaching changes to move forward. I feel the addition of David Cutcliffe as offensive coordinator is a great step forward for us. He is a great football coach, but better yet he's a leader and teacher. He will challenge our thinking, be creative with our offense and very demanding of our players.

I appreciate the support and patience I've received from the administration and Tennessee fans everywhere to make the adjustments I need to make to get back to where I believe we should be. We have had many great moments, games and seasons together and will again. Tennessee football is about pride, and it's my first priority to restore that pride.

Go Vols!

Phillip Fulmer

UPDATE: Pumpkin not getting a raise or extension this year.

IT'S OFFICIAL

Cut is back to kick "this much" ass.


Two-year contract, base salary of $275,000, plus $25,000 for media and apparel.

Also, here's some fun assistant speculation (after the Ainge garbage).

THREE JUNIORS SUBMITTING NFL PAPERWORK

Defensive tackle Justin Harrell and offensive linemen Arron Sears and Rob Smith. Nothing final -- just getting assessments of their potential draft status.

Harrell's stock is considered the highest. Rob Smith says he's "disappointed and mad" that Jimmy Ray Stephens was fired and that that could influence his decision. Perhaps he should focus his ire on the patheticness that was the 2005 VOLS and make up for it next year. Just a thought.

If Harrell goes, Chavis will be replacing the entire front seven.

TROUBLE FOR DEMETRICE

His junior year at Miami Killian, Demetrice Morley got three Fs and had a 2.09 core GPA. He needed a 2.75 to qualify. So he took seven correspondence courses from University High School and got all As and Bs, raising his core GPA to exactly 2.75.


A classic bootstraps story. Just one problem. The New York times reports: "University High has no classes and no educational accreditation." Hmmm.

ARIAN FOSTER TO GO UNDER THE KNIFE

Needs surgery on his knee -- meniscus damage.


He's also likely to have surgery on at least one shoulder, meaning he'll miss spring practice. But the late-season horse should be back by August.

TOSS THE BUMS OUT

Adios, Jimmy Ray. Adios, Pat. (Story)

Cutcliffe precondition?

COOTER PLAYS

Ole Jim Bob got hisself in for one snap. As a receiver. Real-life receiver Lucas Taylor took the snap on some kind of trick sneak.

We'll say it again: Give the man the goddam football.

PRAISE JESUS

That bullshit season is over.


Exactly.