VOLLIES

The fine folks over at the Tennessean have decided the fecal dump that was the 2005 VOLS season is worthy of a retrospective. There's some kind of fake award angle. We're not really sure. If you have any desire to relive the felony assault charges, fumbles through the endzone, and Special Olympics-caliber special teams, it's all here.

BEAT THE VOLS, WIN A PRIZE

Cutler: SEC Offensive Player of the Year.
Spurrier: SEC Coach of the Year.

(Also, Arron Sears was First Team All-SEC; Hall, Haralson, Harrell, and Simon made it on the Second Team; and Mahelona got Honorable Mention -- but we're still pretending the VOLS didn't field a team.)

JIM BOB: PUSHER??

We've been Googling "cooter" again. And the results are just getting weirder.

On the Rogers State University (Claremore, OK) website you can find what appears to be a farily basic and introductory level guide to using the scientific method in research and experimentation. But check this sentence buried in the middle of science geek-speak:

Jim Bob Cooter (2005) gave either marijuana (0 g, 1 g, or 2 g), cocaine (0 mg/kg, 25 mg/kg, or 50 mg/kg) or nicotine (0 mg/kg, 1 mg/kg, or 2 mg/kg) to college students to see the drugs’ effect on the memory of a staged robbery.

What is our boy doing staging robberies in Oklahoma? We are confused.

JIM BOB HIGHLIGHT REEL

UTSports.com has a nice little Cooter video package up here (or go here and scroll down to "Up Close with Jim Bob Cooter").

Highlight: Jim Bob Cooter on Jim Bob Cooter. "I think it's just the right name at the right place."

COOTER FEST

It's not often you Google "cooter" and end up learning something. But today we did just that and discovered that Jim Bob's last name is "of African origin; akin to Bambara and Malinke kuta turtle chiefly South & Midland." We're not sure what that means. We were going to try to figure it out, but then we read this: Cooter also "refers to a certain part of the female anatomy located south of the Mason-Dixon Line." Whoa. Hold up. We are just as shocked as the organizers of the Inverness Cooter Festival were. But like good Americans, they're not letting any smut stop them from celebrating Cooter. God bless them. Our favorite is 63-year old Vernon Simmons, who said the word "don't faze" him because "we ate a lot of cooters in my day." Bet you did, Vern.

Also, here's a T-shirt for sale from a Cooter Fest. Doesn't seem to be the same one. Doesn't matter. Rock the "A Little Cooter Never Hurt Anyone" tee and be the envy of the schoolyard.

SEE COOTER DIG. SEE COOTER EAT.

We were going to have a very strict policy around here of not mentioning the huge fecal dump that was the 2005 VOLS season, but that doesn't seem feasible. And we don't really want to forget Cooter's solid gold performance on the national stage.

COACH CUT SETTING UP HIS STAFF

Greg Adkins takes over OL responsibilities. Matt Luke (left), who played at Ole Miss '95-'98 and coached there under Cut, comes on board and assumes Adkins' old post as TE coach and recruiting coordinator.

That just leaves WR coach to be named. Reports say Cut wants Kippy Brown, currently making $200,000+ with the Texans, but who could be looking for a job when Capers' crew completes its now 1-10 season. Presumably the interest is based on Kippy's stellar work guiding the XFL's Memphis ManiAX in 2000. Or maybe it was his work as VOLS WR coach from '83-'89 and '93-'94. There's also speculation that hyperactive Trooper Taylor could slide from RBs to WRs.